Overly Crimson
by Storming Lilacs
Summary: Everyone's favorite demon duo have begun to feel the impact of the new wave of little Sues. Dear lord.
1. Episode 1

Title: Overly Crimson, Not Red

Episode 1: The Magical, Reality-Warping Properties of Ice Cream

Author: Aiieke

Warnings: Some swearing. This fic is crack-ish. No major point, just some stuff that I thought in my head was amusing. Sorta-but-not-quite KxH.

Disclaimer: So how's life, everybody? School sucks ass, you say? Interesting!

-.-.-

It was on a bright and sunny day that Marietta reached the entrance of Meiou Private High School. After uncrinkling a slip of paper to confirm that she was in the right place, which she was, Marietta proceeded through the front doors.

God bless that school.

-.-.-

The one thing Kurama liked about his high school was that the students there were very serious and dedicated. In fact, those qualities themselves were practically a requirement for admittance. Due to this, few people ever bothered him. The guys kept to themselves and their close friends, and so did the girls, save for the rarely occasional daring one who would approach him with express desires of asking him out. But that was not a big issue, since the girls were mostly shy... mostly.

"Shuuichi! Wait! Shuuichi!"

Kurama turned around to see a student running up to him. "Yes?"

"The student council," he stopped to catch his breath, "is in serious need of your advice", more panting, "for the upcoming fair!"

Kurama regarded him for a moment, having been shaken out of his relaxed state."Why? I'm not even on the stu-"

"Please, Shuuichi," the flustered youth grasped Kurama's hands desperately. "I implore you. I may lose my position!"

"Well, I..." Kurama eyed apprehensively the boy with the pleading eyes while trying to edge away at the same time... it didn't look like he was about to give up. "... all right. I guess I could drop by after school. Now if you would be so kind as to let go of-"

"Oh thank you! Thank you so much!" After Kurama's hands was vigorously shook, the boy dashed off, task accomplished and relieved.

Kurama continued down the hall, dimly registering what he had just agreed to. It's part of a trend, Kurama thought. People had recently taken to asking him for help; granted, the assistance was always over small matters, but they did nonetheless As to why, Kurama wasn't sure, but he was wondering more and more if whether someone would jump out at him from nowhere around the corners.

After wiping his hands with a paper napkin and throwing it away, Kurama continued down the hall, not noticing four girls lunge for the wastebasket he had just passed, and missing subsequent crash.

There wasn't anything different about Kurama's first class period as far as he could tell. He saw the same early students unpacking as always and he proceeded to do the same, taking his seat and pulling out a book to read until the start of class. The moment Kurama glanced up, however, he found himself staring straight into a pair of blue eyes inches from his face.

"Hi!" the girl greeted.

Kurama rose to his feet in order to distance himself out of alarm, all of it mostly directed at himself. As human as he may be, having another genuine human sneak up and catch him off guard was never a good sign, Kurama felt.

"I'm Marietta," Marietta said with a small wave.

_I'm losing myself_, thought Kurama. _I'll find Hiei this weekend and we'll train... and perhaps do other things, too, if I play my cards right..._

"Do you know where I can find Hiei?" Marietta asked, temporarily halting Kurama's thoughts.

"...Excuse me?"

"I need to find Hiei," Marietta said.

"Hiei?" repeated Kurama with innocence and polite confusion. "No, I-"

Yuu Kaito strode over, smirking knowingly at the Kurama and the other girl. "Why, hello Shuuichi. I see you've finally found yourself a-"

"Don't you even say it!" Kurama turned on him, pointing accusingly. A few clicks in his brain made things suddenly clear.

"Whoa." Kaito was surprised. "Now what's put you in such a bad mood... or should I say who?"

"Enough, Kaito." Kurama sighed. "You head the student council. And pray tell, what is this business of ordering the lower classmen to flag me down in the halls as if their very lives depended on it? Explain yourself."

"Why, I don't know what you mean, Shuuichi."

Kurama didn't buy the innocent act. "Seriously, are you _still_ holding a grudge?"

Kaito chuckled. "All right, you've got me. They're... good for a laugh."

"Marietta," Kurama sighed, ignoring Kaito's absurdity, "did he put you up to this?"

"Up to what?" she asked.

"Do you even go to this school?" Kaito asked Marietta bluntly, seeing as she wasn't wearing the girls' uniform.

Marietta shook her head. "I came here to find Kurama because I was told that he could help me find Hiei." she turned to Kurama, "You are him, right?"

Kurama's face was blank. Kaito kept quiet, not sure what to make of her knowledge. Kurama spoke first. "My name is Shuuichi," he said, "I'm afraid you must have me confused with someone else."

Marietta blinked. "No I haven't."

"Look, kid," Kaito began, "I'm sure Shuuichi is at least smart enough-" Kurama frowned in indignation ("Just-just let it go, already!"), "-to know his own name, all right?"

"Oh..." said Marietta quietly with a considering look, "I'll search somewhere else then." With that said, she left the classroom and disappeared down the hallway.

"Shuuichi, what are you doing?" Kaito hissed, seeing his friend start to follow. Kurama glanced back. "'Hiei' and 'Kurama' are not exactly common names." Kurama shook his head. "Someone of status would have already known who I was. It's just too suspicious to ignore..."

"The bell's about to ring!"

But Kurama had already left. Kaito sighed. _How can that guy be the best student around if he's not even here half the time? Damn, I'm still bitter..._ But a voice from behind interrupted his musings of jealousy.

"Where did Shuuichi just run off to?"

Kaito spun around to find about fifteen students staring him down with a 'what-the-hell-just-happened?' look.

"Uh, hey." Kaito waved. "What's up?"

-.-.-

Kurama walked in on a strange scene. He did not have to go very far to find Marietta; she was just outside of the school gates. What was peculiar, however, was how Marietta struggled to climb up a tree while holding a container of something. She also seemed to be talking to the branches. Gritting his teeth, Kurama ran the rest of the distance.

"Marietta, what-" he took a moment to peer into the tree's foliage, "Hiei?" Kurama sounded incredulous. At least that was one objective down for the weekend if Hiei was already within vicinity.

"I'm not coming down." Came the firm voice.

"Hiei are... are you stalking me?" Kurama smiled slightly, "Honestly, I'm flattered, but you needn't go to such lengths-"

"Humph, I knew it." Marietta interrupted, pouting. "You are Kurama." But in distraction, Marietta's hand flailed wildly and missed the nearest limb, causing her to come fall down on her back. Kurama swore he could hear suppressed snickering coming from above him.

"Marietta, where did you get that?" asked Kurama.

"Oh, this?" She held up a small tub of ice cream. "I had it with me." Marietta picked herself up, determined to get up to Hiei. A hand on Marietta's shoulder stopped her. "What?"

At first, the look on Kurama's face was hard to place. He coughed a few times, trying to control himself, but inevitably began to laugh quiet and unsteady laughter that grew as it built up inside of him. Marietta stared blankly, unsure.

"I'm sorry... and here I thought-" another giggle, "you were a part of some underlying plot!"

Suddenly, Hiei appeared next to him, looking angry. "Just what the hell do you find so funny?" he demanded, taking a step forward and pointing at Kurama. Why was Kurama laughing? Kurama never laughed, so why was he doing it now? Hiei thought wildly. _That had better not be me he's laughing at! _Hiei hated being laughed at.

"She's brought you... ice cream," said Kurama, biting his lip.

Marietta pouted. "Hiei, I wanted to ask you to my school dance-" Kurama blanched, "- I thought maybe you'd like some sweet snow." she said in her innocent little girl's voice. "I read somewhere that it's the only known substance in the world that can make a demon abandon all sense of his pride and self-respect to grovel at someone's feet."

"Sweet snow?" said Kurama, "Isn't that like... a slushie? Hiei, if you want a slushie, there's a machine inside the building. You don't have to force random girls-"

"_How the hell is this my doing_?"

"Will you go with me, Hiei?" pleaded Marietta.

Hiei growled, eyes shifting from the girl to Kurama.

"I had nothing to do with this." Kurama protested. There was no change from Hiei and it was just too damn bad that Kurama felt like being mischevious. "But then again," he added, beginning to smile once more, "I do love mint chocolate-chip."

"I don't have to take this."

Kurama realized too late that Hiei had left. Devastated, Marietta dropped to her knees and cried to the heavens in lament. "NO, Hiei! Come back, my love!"

It was the intelligent and sensible part of Kurama that supressed his urge to yell out the exact same thing, but in a less fanatical and more dignified manner. "I was kidding!" Kurama sighed, and went quiet for a moment. Hiei did not show up. "I've done it..." he groaned, "I've really done it now." The signs weren't good. Hell, they sucked.

Marietta recovered quickly. "Kurama, you can still go with me this Friday, right?"

Kurama ignored her and slowly started in the direction of his home, forgetting the rest of his classes that he still had to attend. Marietta scrambled to her feet to follow. "Wait, Kurama!"

"He'll be gone for weeks... months, perhaps." Kurama murmured, not paying attention as he walked away sullenly. "Oh, who the hell am I joking? He's not coming back... usually he would have said something insulting first..."

Marietta was just about to catch up when a rumbling from beneath her feet stopped her and soon, her piercing shriek scared the birds away. Unfortunately, Marietta wasn't very bright, so it wasn't until after three hours of struggling did she realize that her bindings of what looked to be like giant roots were not going to loosen anytime soon.

The End.

-.-.-

Review?


	2. Episode 2

Title: Overly Crimson, Not Red

Episode 2: Yusuke's Demon Teenager Angst, Hiei's Self-Destructive Tendancies

Author: Aiieke

Warnings: Same as last.

Disclaimer: Get over it.

It was undoubtedly the largest spider Hiei had ever happened upon in the Ningenkai. That was somewhat pathetic, seeing as the smallest Makai spiders Hiei had seen were the size of his fist, which this particular one didn't even approach in size. But the spider neither knew or had the mental capacity to care about what Hiei thought of it because it had a job to do. Thin legs scrabbled frantically over threads that could only be seen if they reflected light, seeming to work in a completely unorganized fashion as the foundation was set up, trailing the threads and climbing back up them again only to go back down. It worked hard because that spiraled net was part of it's purpose, the key to the little creature's survival, it's niche. For something so important, it seemed off that Hiei could have destroyed that web with a simple wave of his hand.

A noise drew Hiei's attention to the street below.

-.-.-

Kurama felt that it was highly convenient to have the school's laboratory supplies at his disposal all in one general location. Because of this, Kurama made it a point to stay after school on Fridays to work in the chemistry lab. If everything was right there and accessible, then hey, why not make use of the opportunity? Kurama figured. While most students had already left the school, eager to start their weekends, Kurama had the classrooms all to himself. Others who also stayed late were already accustomed to his presence during the after-hours. The teachers no longer questioned his reasons for working late, which was good, considering that his line of work was of a very questionable nature. But as far as Kurama could tell (which is quite far), everyone probably assumed that he was performing experiments to further the good of humanity. Those suckers.

Just as Kurama recorded a color change, an all-too-obvious cough broke the quiet. Turning to face the menace, Kurama found a girl dressed in black and navy green sitting at the desks. Kurama felt she wore too much eyeliner.

"Don't mind me," she said quietly.

With enormous self-control, Kurama forced his hand to set down the nitric acid, remove his goggles, and rub his eyes tiredly. To his dismay, the girl was still there when he opened his eyes again.

"Your irises are red," Kurama commented from out of nowhere. "Funny how that is..."

"No, they're crimson... and they're just naturally that way because it's my special character trait."

"Is it, now?" Kurama mused. He could have toyed around with this situation all afternoon, but his emotional energy was currently at an all time low. "Let's proceed to the point; sister, past lover, or just an out-of-the-blue admirer?"

"Huh?"

This one was slow, he thought. "Out of the three," Kurama elaborated, "The sister one seems quite popular nowadays."

The girl looked stumped for a moment. Then, "I'm Suzaeanne. I've had a tortured and angst-filled past. I'm not sure if you remember, but about a million years ago, bandits murdered my mother and my siblings on a raid that you led. Scratch that; I got killed too and Koenma brought me back."

"A million years," Kurama repeated.

"Mm hm," Suzaeanne nodded, "and naturally, ever since my entire family was slaughtered before my eyes, I developed an intense fascination for you."

Kurama rolled his eyes and briefly turned back to his lab counter, massing a few grams of dry chemical. "You saw Youko Kurama?"

"Yes."

Kurama faced her again. "Then why are you after me in my human form now? I've resolved to stay this way, you should know that. Really, they spent like three whole episodes addressing this issue."

Suzaeanne didn't know how to respond; she hadn't quite worked out the details all the way yet.

"And why haven't you the slightest trace of demonic energy?"

"About that-"

But Kurama didn't wait for the half-assed response that was sure to come as eyes widened suddenly as he turned his gaze onto the window behind Suzaeanne, "Is that Hiei? Outside over there?" Kurama shouted, "And..." _Who else would this occult-looking girl like?_ "I believe that's _Karasu_ with him!"

"Hiei?" Suzaeanne shrilled and dashed to the window. "Wait, where? I don't see Hiei. Or Karasu..." But by the time Suzaeanne looked back, Kurama had disappeared, leaving behind a beaker that was rapidly filling the room with burning smoke.

Sneaky bastard.

-.-.-

Kuwabara felt that he had a moral obligation to support his friend, regardless of whether that friend even wanted it or not.

"You've been acting moody lately, and you act like you need help, but you won't say anything either, and I'm getting sick of it!" he declared.

Yusuke gave up and threw his hands into the air. "Fine! Let's just say that I'm trying to find myself like they do in the movies. There! Are you happy now?"

"Don't give me any of that. I'm taking Psychology this semester--"

"Yeah, and you'll fail like always,"

"Shut up! I'm getting better grades than you." Kuwabara grumbled. "The easy thing to do would be to pound some sense into you," Yusuke gave a snort at that, and Kuwabara did his best to look as if he were hurt for a valiant cause, "but _I'm_ taking the effort to do this the hard way, and you- you're not even acknowledging the fact that I'm trying to be caring for once."

Yusuke was about to make a sarcastic retort when he changed his mind abruptly. "What the hell? That looks like... Kurama."

"Hey, yeah." observed Kuwabara, "What's he doing out here?"

Indeed, Kurama was approaching from the other end of the street in a half-jog. Yusuke and Kuwabara waved and greeted.

-.-.-

Hiei looked down from the tree he occupied. One part of him was satisfied that because he was already in the tree to begin with, it proved without a doubt he was not a stalker. Another part was insanely curious as to what Kurama needed to see Yusuke and Kuwabara for.

-.-.-

"This is kind of out of your way, isn't it?" asked Yusuke.

"Not at all," Kurama smiled, though Yusuke thought he looked a bit flustered, especially the moment before when he was running up to them and glancing over his shoulder.

"So, how's it been-" Kuwabara started to ask.

"KURAMAAA!"

In an instant, Kurama ducked behind Kuwabara. Suzaeanne tried to sidestep and to get around him, but Kurama kept Kuwabara between them as a shield. It _was_ pretty effective, since Suzaeanne seemed to keep her distance.

"Kuwabara, I- I am so sorry," Kurama apologized desperately from behind Kuwabara's shoulder. Yusuke brooded off to the side, feeling as though he should be laughing at his friend, but not finding the motivation to do so.

"Uh, don't sweat it." Kuwabara felt a little awkward with the creepy looking girl staring at him intensely, but he really had nothing to fear, for the might of creepy looking girls was not a match for him.

Kurama couldn't understand, which was a big deal for someone like Kurama. "That window was a three-story drop. I _fused _the door to its frame! "

Yusuke was interested now, but in a reprimanding way. "Did you try to kill someone _again_?"

Kurama grasped for some explanation to justify himself. "Well, it was the fourth one this week, and I was just--"

"You know Koenma was close to busting your ass for the last murder stunt you pulled!"

"Yes, and it would be in all of our best interests if nothing were to _happen_ because _Koenma_ is not going to _find out_, now is he?" Kurama hissed meanacingly.

"Your eyes are red." Kuwabara commented to the girl, trying to ease the tension. It didn't work.

-.-.-

Inside, Hiei was facing a dilemma. How on earth was he supposed to get Kurama's attention without looking lame? Being 'too-cool-to-enjoy-the-company-of-friends' was delicate sometimes. Next to him, the largest spider of Ningenkai caught a bug.

-.-.-

Kuwabara studied her more closely. "And you look like you've had a tortured and angst-filled past in which your parents were killed during a raid," he remarked offhandedly, "...that, or you've recently made an art project involving toothpaste. I'm not sure which."

Suzaeanne nodded, stopping. "You're right. About the first one, I mean."

"Kuwabara, if you can read people like that, then certainly you could find the causes of Yusuke's affliction." said Kurama, having calmed down, but still wary of being jumped. A few by passers on the street were giving the four of them odd looks.

"Just because Kuwabara feels like playing therapist today, doesn't mean I suddenly have problems!"

"But you have been surly, lately," Kurama insisted.

"I don't know. I'm not sure I can. People are usually more difficult that that, but this girl's really simple." said Kuwabara.

Suzaeanne took offence. "I am not simple, you... you...!"

Kurama pushed up his sleeve to check his watch. It was bad... if he didn't somehow find a way to get away without being followed again, _he would not make it home in time to greet his mother from work_! If only...

Some god, probably Lord Inari, whoever he was, from wherever he was at, must have heard Kurama's plea; Hiei stood a short distance away, scowling at everyone.

"Hey, look. Hiei's back..." Kurama announced cheerily, slowly coming out of hiding.

"Hey Hiei, long time no...whoa." Yusuke stopped, while Kuwabara's jaw dropped. "What happened to your leg!"

Kurama's gaze immediately dropped, to see where pants of Hiei's left leg were shredded from the knee down, complete with blood seeping through. Hiei eyed Kurama sarcastically. It certainly took him long enough to notice.

Looking back over his shoulder, Kurama waved to his friends, minus the confused girl. "I should take Hiei home now," Kurama laughed nervously, "can't have him going around like this, can we?"

Suzaeanne looked utterly forlorn, however, the first step she took in an effort to chase down her beloved had caused her to trip over Yusuke's foot that just happened to be there.

-.-.-

Later, as Hiei was getting wrapped in bandages, Kurama remembered something that was nagging at him.

"Hiei, would you mind if I asked you something?"

"Yes, I would mind."

But it was too bad for Hiei, because Kurama decided to ask anyway.

"Right. Being as it is with you on-duty in the Makai and all...how did you ever manage all the way to Ningenkai on such an injured leg?"

-.-.-

The End. Reveiw?

(Yes, I know where the plotholes are. I am sorry.)


End file.
